


Reconciliation

by BlackKittens



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: background Allura/Lance, later Allurance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-28 20:35:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17189960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackKittens/pseuds/BlackKittens
Summary: Keith has come home to Earth with a baby daughter in tow.Shiro does his best to work things out with him, to earn a place back in his heart. He won't give up on him again.





	1. Chapter 1

When Iverson had handed Shiro a completed application for the hand-to-hand combat teaching position that had been open for months now, Shiro had done a doubletake at the name and home address listed. In fact, he had almost fallen out of his chair in shock. It couldn't be, he had thought.

Now, as he pulled up to the former Kogane property, he saw that it not only in fact was, but that there was no longer any 'former' about this place. Shiro's jaw fell open at the sight of a house next to the old shack. It was a one story house, but it was four times the size of the shack, and a yard taller. It looked to be made of wood, which had to be purchased elsewhere if it sat in a desert like this, which meant - surely - the house had been built by professionals. Nothing about it seemed, well, homemade like the shack did. There was even a driveway next to it, currently occupied by a familiar hoverbike.

Shiro swallowed. He didn't know what he was doing here - no, he did. He had to see that it was true. He had to see Keith again. If possible, he would like to make amends before giving him the job. The job was definitely his, though, no beating around the bush required. It was just going to be difficult, meeting each other again. He'd rather it not happen on Garrison grounds, in front of so many other people.

He had only seen Keith three times since the day he left Earth, the day after Shiro's wedding. He only came back for Allura's annual memorial service, and only stayed a few short hours before leaving again. Keith was quiet on those days, as stone faced as ever, and only spoke when directly spoken to. He didn't speak much as a result. Then he was gone once more, leaving radio silence in his wake.

Shiro was ashamed of that. He was ashamed of hardly speaking to Keith when he was here. But he knew the problem went back father than the first memorial service.

The truth was that Shiro had started down the path of a breakdown a long time ago, one that he hadn't known how to face and deal with properly until recently.

It all started when he was rescued from death by Black, when he escaped Galra clutches for a second time. As he nearly died trying to find his way back to Voltron, as he watched a clone take his place on the team. As he fought Keith under Haggar's mind control, as Keith joined him in the astral plane.

It continued when he and the clone were merged, all of the same falling into place while the differing edges conflicted with each other. As the original tried to reject the clone and the clone tried to reject the original, only to find peace in their shared history - in memories of Keith. As he, they, he, they - he was suddenly useless as a paladin, his greatest fear. As he obtained the Atlas, became the captain, became the admiral, still failing his team when they needed him, when Keith needed him, over and over.

It worsened as he pushed them away, especially after their hospitalization, throwing himself into his work on the Atlas and neglecting his personal relationships. Shiro hadn't known what else to do to block it all out, to stay focused. And when the war ended, when Allura sacrificed herself, it all came crashing down on him at once, and he turned to what he assumed was the best solution.

Shiro knew about Keith's feelings for him. He remembered their battle. Despite his addition of the brother line, Shiro knew his feelings weren't brotherly; if they had been, it wouldn't have briefly snapped the clone - him - out of it. Shiro loved Keith back. The original and the clone. They both loved him deeply; it had been one of the parts that fell into place together easily when their minds were merged. Loving Keith was something they - he - had always done. Even now, Shiro loved him.

But by the end of the war, their relationship had been diminished to mere colleagues, and Shiro didn't know how to undo that. Especially not after his failures to save the man who would die over and over to save him. Besides, Keith was going back into the stars with the Blades, and Shiro thought he needed a rest. He didn't, yet that's what he had thought.

So he turned to one of his crewmates of the disbanding Atlas, Curtis. They barely knew each other, but the physical attraction was there, they bonded over work, and they both desired some form of normalcy after the apocalyptic hellscape the Galra Empire had put them through. They dated for six months, married, and were divorced two years later. They divorced because Shiro's heart wasn't actually in retirement, in a purely domestic life, in doing absolutely nothing except exercising, going to the movies, and living off a generously large pension. Curtis was the only one who really wanted that. And on top of that, two years truly showed how well they didn't know each other.

It was at that point Shiro had his breakdown. He hit his lowest point. It was only thanks to Matt, who still checked up on him from time to time, that he was convinced to get himself cleaned up and figure out what he really wanted to do.

So Shiro did. He got himself a new house, a therapist, rejoined the Garrison, and reached out to the other former paladins. Things had been going well in the last year.

Except Keith. He was on Shiro's to-do list, but his feelings for Keith were difficult to work through. Shiro knew that he still loved Keith. He was also completely in tune with his guilt and shame. It was why he hadn't spoken to him much on the last memorial day. He hadn't even told him he was divorced yet. And Shiro was painfully aware that he had broken his promise to never give up on Keith, the boy he had picked up off the street and given hope, affection, and aspirations to. Honestly, he wouldn't hold it against Keith to tell him to fuck off for good.

Keith was applying for a teaching position at the Garrison, however. Shiro wasn't sure he knew he was back there, or that he was in charge of approving or denying Keith's application. Or that Shiro would be the one watching and evaluating his performance as a teacher, meaning they would be spending a bit of time together. And, well, Shiro might as well take the opportunity to apologize as profusely as possible while Keith listened to him talk about the Garrison (assuming he didn't withdraw his application as soon as he opened the door).

Shiro swallowed again. He had a lot to make up for. He hoped he could have a chance. Without further ado, he parked his car, got out, and headed for the front door.

With only a moment's hesitation, Shiro knocked rapidly on the wood of the door.

At first, no one showed up to open it. Shiro waited patiently, though his insides were quickly turning to mush in anticipation.

Then the door opened.

Shiro tried not to gape at the sight of Keith. He was just handsome as ever. His jaw was little sharper, his hair was long enough to be tied back in a small ponytail, and he wore a red jacket with black stripes and black jeans. He stared at Shiro was a neutral expression, but Shiro could see the irritated twitch of his bottom lip.

Before he could speak, Keith spoke up first.

"So," he said, raising an eyebrow, "the Garrison is conducting surprise home interviews now? With someone who already knows me like the back of his hand?"

Shiro fumbled for words as his mind went blank in horror. "...N-No! No, of course not. In fact, you already got the job. That's - That's what I'm here to tell you."

Keith's eyebrow lowered. "Great; when do I start?"

Shiro stared at him. The paperwork wasn't exactly through yet, so he wasn't sure. Keith could start as early as next week or as late as next quarter. The position sorely needed to be filled, but it was a beginner's course, so it wasn't like any cadets would be graduating without the class any time soon.

Keith's lips pressed together. "What are you really here for, Shiro?"

Shiro gulped.

Then he sighed, letting his shoulders relax. "I'm here - well, yes, to tell you that you got the job, but also to apologize. I'm sorry, Keith. I'm so sorry for everything. Look, if you still want this position, you're going to have to put up with seeing me on an irregular to frequent basis depending on what our orders are, so can I come inside and explain? You can kick me out when I'm done if you're not satisfied."

Keith's brow furrowed into a glare. "Yeah?"

Shiro nodded.

Keith didn't move right away, just glaring at him, before he stepped to the side and opened the door wider.

Shiro gave him a small smile as he walked in. Keith's expression remained the same.

The inside of the house was small. The living room and kitchen were one room, Shiro found, with one on one side and the other on the other side of house. The separation of tile and carpet told him where the line between them was. On the living room side of the house was an arched entrance to a hallway, through which Shiro could see part of a door.

What caught Shiro by the throat, however, were three things: the high chair at the kitchen table, seated between two other chairs, the open playbox of stuffed animals and toys cars and ships in the living room, and the plastic hippo toy lying in front of the partially hidden door in the hall.

No amount of swallowing could loosen Shiro's throat. He hadn't come here to win Keith's heart back, yet he hadn't been expecting this either.

"You're married with a kid?" he forced out. "Congratulations. I'm - I'm happy for you."

Keith simply walked around him, heading into the hallway and bending down to pick up the plastic hippo. "Don't get the wrong idea," he said, tossing the hippo in the toy box without care as he moved for the couch. "I'm not married. The extra chair at the table is for when my mom visits. I do have a daughter, though, yes. She's napping. I just put her down when you knocked. Convenient timing you have."

Shiro paused. Not married. Did that make them both in the same divorced boat, or...?

He followed Keith to the couch, sitting down on the other end cushion, allowing the middle to remain empty between them.

Keith folded his arms. "To answer the question you're not asking, no, I'm not divorced. Or widowed. Or was raped. Whatever you're thinking. When I was in the Blades, I had a fuck buddy for a few months who was part of a rebel group. It ended when our missions took us separate ways. I contacted him to tell him I was pregnant and he didn't want it. So he's never been part of her life. Never going to be, either, because he died three weeks after she was born. One of his pals told me so when the Blades met up with the group again a month later. Her name's Eri. She's three-quarters Galra since her other dad was full. I guess human genes are strong, however, because she looks as human as I do. She's four months old. No, you can't see her, because you'll wake her up. She's a pain to get back to sleep. That answer enough unasked questions so we can move on to your 'explanation'?"

Shiro winced at his tone. He definitely hadn't expected the irritated infodump. "Wow. Uh, I'm sorry - I'm sorry he didn't want to be a dad and he died. Eri...that's a pretty name."

"Hm." Keith leaned back against the armrest.

Shiro shifted in his seat. He wanted to ask why Keith had returned to Earth and was applying at the Garrison. He wanted to ask if the others knew, if anyone else at the Garrison had known before Keith sent in his application. He wanted to ask how Keith was holding up as a single dad. Instead, he cut to the point; those questions could be asked later.

"I," he began slowly, trying to think of a way to convey his thoughts as coherently as possibly. "I haven't been a good friend to you. Not for three and a half years. Probably longer. I'm sorry for that. I know it must have hurt so much, for me to push you away, treat you like you were only a co-worker at best, and never contact you while you were away. I don't even talk to you much when you come to visit for Allura. I've been an awful friend to you."

Shiro stopped there, waiting for Keith to intersect with a response. Maybe he would agree, berate Shiro, or demand to know why.

Keith did no such thing. He said nothing, only watched him with calculating eyes, arms still crossed over his chest.

Shiro exhaled through his nose. "So much happened out there. I could live with the PTSD, the scars on my body, and the stress of war. In fact, I felt alive, useful, and like I was doing so much good by being active in the war. Except I died, I was cloned. We've never talked about it. I'm sorry. You have a right to know what went on in my head after you brought me back."

Keith folded one leg over his other knee. "I do?"

Shiro nodded. "Yes. You told me you loved me, Keith. The brother line wasn't literal, was it?"

Keith's face tightened. "You were everything to me," he said quietly.

Shiro hung his head. "I was, wasn't I? So I broke my word to stay by your side and help you whenever I could."

"I wasn't a cadet getting into fights with bullies anymore, Shiro," Keith interrupted tersely. "Don't act like that's all you meant to me. You said it yourself, I told you I loved you and didn't actually mean it 'brotherly.'"

He nodded again. "I'm sorry. The truth is, Keith, the clone wasn't evil."

"Tell me something I don't know."

Shiro's head shot up, eyes wide. "What?"

Keith scowled. "Even though I thought he was the original, I knew him. I saw the way he looked at me, the way he spoke to me when Haggar wasn't interfering with his head. I saw how broken he was and heard how desperate he was after he tore free of her control, right before he was knocked out. You were the one who called him evil. I just never called you out on it. Just like I never called the others out for wanting to abandon him. No one likes being told their impression of someone they hate is wrong."

Shiro stiffened. "I don't think they _hated_ \- "

"Get on with it, Shiro."

He deflated. "Right. Well, when we - when Allura put - the clone wasn't dead yet. Our minds merged. Haggar's influence disappeared, but we weren't one hundred percent the same. Most of our minds merging was nothing. The other bits, however, really messed us up. That's why we - I - fell into that coma. We were trying to force the other out. In the end, we came to a truce, I guess."

Keith's expression finally softened. "What does that mean, a truce?"

"When I was in the coma," Shiro explained, "I dreamed of our past. My past. Before Kerberos. Starting with the day I met you."

Keith's chin lowered, his eyes narrowing. "Because I told you I loved you?"

"I'm pretty sure that was part of it," he said. "The rest - we loved you, too, Keith. That's what calmed us down. We both wanted you. I wanted you. We - Ugh, him and me wanted to stay by your side from then on. It was more important to us than fighting for dominance."

Keith considered him silently. The silence stretched so long, Shiro was worried he was going to be kicked out this instant. Then Keith spoke up once more.

"I have two questions," he stated, his defensive up clear in his voice. "One, who am I talking to? Two, why didn't you stay with me?"

Shiro's chest ached. "I'm both. Most of our minds are the same. It's complicated to explain to others in a way they'll understand. The differences really only shine through when I'm torn between blowing up at someone or something I usually wouldn't and staying calm, or when two completely different strategies form in my head and separate parts of me hate both. Otherwise, I'm pretty much one person. The Shiro that was born here and the Shiro that was created in a lab."

"I get it," Keith replied, though Shiro wasn't positive he did. Even if therapist had difficulty understanding what he meant. "That leaves question number two. Why?"

Shiro sat back against the couch. "That's the rough part. Everything up to that point was boiling inside of me, Keith. Dying, realizing I'm a clone, nearly killing you, meeting you again in the astral plane to tell you I'm dead. The merge and how we almost killed us. Being a useless paladin who couldn't help anyone anymore. Getting Atlas, yet still being useless. I couldn't even save you, Keith, every time you needed me to. I was either too late or frozen in panic. I was on my way to a dark place, and instead of acknowledging that, I denied it and pushed everyone away. I thought it was better that way. I thought I could stave it off that way. I was wrong."

Keith cocked his head, the softness gone from his features. "What about your feelings for me? Did they go away?"

Shiro, reluctantly, shook his head. "No. They never have. I wasn't going to act on them in my state, though, Keith. I couldn't handle myself, let alone a romantic relationship with you."

Keith's eyes lit on fire. "Then what the hell was the deal with marrying Curtis six months after the war ended? You couldn't deal with me, but you could him? A stranger you met on your crew?"

Shiro shuddered. "Curtis...No. That's why we're divorced now."

"I'm aware."

For the second time, Shiro looked up at him in shock.

Keith was barely restrained flames on a lit torch. "Matt is the only one who contacted me when I was with the Blades. He told me when you left Curtis. He kept me up to date about everything on Earth when no one else did. _Are we even friends,_ indeed. So why Curtis and not me?"

Shiro closed his eyes. "Curtis - he was as tired as I was. He lost all of his family and loved ones in the invasions. He was willing to do his part in the war efforts, but afterwards, he just wanted normalcy. I'm not going to lie, he was attractive, he did good work, and we found common ground on all three fronts. I told you, I was heading down a dark path. I thought retiring, living a stress free life, in a nice home with a loving husband would help. You weren't as damaged. You were going to throw yourself back up there. I couldn't drag you down, I couldn't go with you. I was scared of what I'd do to you. So I picked Curtis."

"Fuck you."

Shiro opened his eyes, unsurprised by the remark. It wasn't the first of its kind he had gotten. "Yeah?"

Keith uncrossed his arms. "I wasn't damaged? We were all damaged. You have no idea what I went through out there! What I did when you weren't around to see! How far I went, the stuff I saw, the loneliness and terror! I have my own PTSD, Shiro. Since coming home to Earth, I've been on sleeping and anti-anxiety medication so I don't screw up taking care of Eri. And I went to hell and back for you multiple times, so don't you dare suggest I would have been dragged down or hurt by you. We could have made it work."

Could have.

Shiro shrugged, helpless. "I'm sorry. It's what I thought and how I came to the conclusions I did at the time. I want to make amends."

Keith's eyes smoldered. "Then finish. You're divorced. You work for the Garrison again. Matt was sparse on the details, and I doubt you tell him everything anyway. How did you get to my house, Shiro?"

It was the least he could do.

"Curtis and I realized we weren't right for each other," he began the end. "I was still heading down that dark path. I felt even more useless than before. The guilt for - for everything didn't go away. When the divorce was finalized, I broke. I finally broke. I didn't like - No, I hated where I was, so I made myself get help. I got myself into therapy. The Garrison accepted me back into their ranks. I reached out the rest of the team outside of Allura's memorial day. I wanted to reach out to you, too, so badly. Only, I was scared. I kept being scared off from contacting you by my fears and insecurities. I've been working my way up to it, spilling as much as I can to my therapist to help get rid of them, but - I'm sorry. I wish I could say something to make this better. I'm a coward and I know it."

It was Keith's turn to close his eyes. It was obvious he was counting to ten in his head, trying to calm himself.

Shiro watched him, waiting to be ordered to get out. He deserved it.

With a deep breath, Keith said, "So, then what? You saw my application on file? What made you come here?"

"Iverson handed it to me. Said it was my call since I'm one of the heads of the education regimens now," Shiro told him. "My eyes popped out of my skull. I didn't know you were home, Keith. I thought you were with the Blades. Matt certainly never told me. I took it as a sign to get my ass in motion. So I'm here."

Keith opened his eyes, directing them to the ceiling. He suddenly looked as exhausted as Shiro felt. "...Okay."

Shiro perked up. "Okay?"

Keith undid his legs and slammed his palms on his knees. "Yeah, okay. Don't beat yourself up too much. I never contacted any of you, either. I have my own issues, and I'm well aware of the hell you went through, Shiro, the original and the clone. One of the reasons I came home is so I can stop being a hypocrite. Although I had much looser and less defined plans to get in touch with you all. Right now, Eri's my top priority."

Shiro was incredulous. "So, do you forgive me?"

Keith shrugged. "I'm like, eighty percent willing to. The other twenty percent is pissed as all hell and probably will be for a while. Don't take it too personal. Hot headed Keith, remember?"

"You're not a hot head," Shiro said quietly.

He shrugged again. "As for Matt, I told him not to tell anyone. If he so much as told Pidge, I threatened to cut all contact with him. I had my dark place, too, Shiro. I was in it for quite a long time. Already to apologized to him and asked him nicely to keep my homecoming a secret from everyone besides the necessary folk at the Garrison."

Shiro curled his fingers into his pant legs. His heart was pounding in his chest. "So - So - Feel free to not answer if you don't want to, but can you tell me what's going on? You told me about Eri's, uh, conception, but why did you come home? What changed, the other reasons? How long have you been here, where did this house come from, why a teacher at the Garrison?"

Keith listened to his babbling, eyes glued to the ceiling. "Eri's the answer to all of it. I wanted better for my kid than I had. When I learned I was pregnant, when the other dad wanted fuck all to do with us, I realized I had to pull myself out of it. I came home for the memorial last year early in the pregnancy. I was glad because I didn't want you guys to find out. My mom and some spare Blades helped me set this place up. One of those Blades was of Olkarion descent and she was a huge help. The Garrison's been paying me my pension for my efforts during the war, which pays for my meds, my bills, and everything we need from the store. I gave birth at the base because I didn't want to be seen at a hospital, especially since I thought for sure Eri would look more Galra than human. Didn't want the media recognizing a former Paladin and his new Galra kid. I figured by this point, my paternity leave should be up - and yes, I know I'm not officially on leave, whatever - I wanted to get back in the game."

Shiro was stunned. He had been here that long and he never knew. Granted, it was secret, yet...

Keith wasn't done. "The Garrison's the only place I could think of to work for. I've been there before, I know what I'm doing, the people know me. I don't want a high stress job or too big of a workload, though. I'm not going to deny Eri her dad. I'm going to raise her with the love and attention she deserves. When I return to the field, it'll be with the Blades when she's all grown up. Not to mention, the Garrison offers benefits like childcare in the nearby town. Eri can stay there while I'm at work. She's really not that different from a full human baby. And that's it. The rest of my plans with you guys, like I said, on the list but loose and not well defined. Nothing else to say, except, I'm sorry, too."

Shiro averted his eyes to the floor. He didn't know what to say. "That's quite the story, Keith."

Keith lowered his gaze. "Not as interesting or revealing as yours. Sorry about you and Curtis."

"We're over it. He didn't come out of retirement, so don't worry about seeing him again. Unless you happen to run into him in town," Shiro said. "So, where do we go from here? Are we friends again?"

Keith eyed him. "Well, what do you think? I figured I'd see you again at work. I didn't know what I was going to do or how you'd react to me. Since we're here and getting everything off our chests, where do you _want_ to stand, Shiro? Not as boyfriends, I wager."

He gave Keith a helpless expression. "To be honest, I'm not ready for another romantic relationship. Not yet. I'm sorry. I mean, assuming that's what you...?" he trailed off.

Keith's lips twitched. "No. I still love you with all my heart, Shiro, but we're nowhere close to me agreeing to a date with you, let alone anything else. And I already got knocked up by mistake once, not risking that again. Eri eats like pig and cries every three hours. I don't need two of her."

It took a second for Shiro to realize Keith was both serious and joking. A muddy sort of relief flooded him. "Friends, then?"

Keith rose to his feet. He extended a hand. "Sure. My favorite little witch will probably sleep the next two hours away, so you hungry? I can make lunch."

Shiro smiled, taking his hand. "Absolutely."

Despite everything, this had gone better than he thought. Shiro couldn't wait to see where this went.

He would do anything to earn that last twenty percent of forgiveness. More than anything, he wanted to be part of Keith's life again.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eri was supposed to appear in this chapter, but it was getting long. She'll appear in the next chapter, though! Don't worry, you'll still get to hear about her. :)
> 
> Thank you for all the support on the first chapter! I appreciate all the support I've received. I hope you all enjoy the rest of the story.

"Where the wolf at?"

"In Eri's room," Keith answered as he put together two plates of ham and baloney sandwiches. "Ever since she was born, the wolf has deemed himself her protector. He keeps guard while she sleeps. It's kind of cute."

Shiro gave a small smile. "Maybe he's repaying you for protecting him as a puppy."

"Could be," Keith admitted, bring the plates over to the table and sitting down across from him. "So how have you been, Shiro? Since you got your life together, I mean. Are things going good for you?"

He nodded. "I'm doing great. At the Garrison, I'm stretched between building up Earth's defenses, sending inter-galactic aid across the universe, and one of the heads in charge of the educational programs for the cadets. Throwing myself back to work has been wonderful. I can't believe I ever left. I've also been seeing my therapist on a weekly basis, every Sunday at eight in the morning, and it helps my stress levels. When I'm not working, I'm calling the rest of the team, hanging out with Pidge and Matt, or taking a breather at home."

"That's good to hear," Keith replied, sincerity in his voice.

"How are you?" Shiro asked, a seed of warmth planting in his chest.

"I'm okay," he said, and took a bite of his sandwich. "The Blades were mostly doing relief effort in space, but we were also dealing with rogue Galra groups and the occasional non-Galra that decided they wanted to take over this part of the universe or another. It wasn't as intense as during the war, which is good, I guess."

"Yeah?"

Keith shrugged. "I was still attached to it, though. When I got pregnant, I had trouble tearing myself from my work entirely. I used to jump back and forth between Earth and relief missions Kolivan approved. Even after Eri was born, there were a couple times I took her up to the base so I could check on things. That's how I was able to hear from Shizam himself that Delek was dead."

Shiro's smile slipped. "Delek... He was your, uh, friend with benefits?"

Keith scoffed. "Fuck buddy. We weren't friends. We worked together and got along. That's it."

Shiro blinked. "Really? I thought, when you said you told him you were pregnant and he wanted nothing to do with you or Eri - "

"Stop," Keith interrupted, all casualness gone from his expression. "I told Delek I was pregnant because I thought he had a right to know and, more importantly, Eri had a right to her other parent. Was I hurt when he told me he had no interest in kids? Yes. It felt like he was abandoning Eri the way I grew up believing my mom had abandoned me. Nothing more, though. He was never my friend. I didn't care when our missions forced us to part ways, and I was only hurt for Eri's sake when he said he didn't want to be a dad."

The warmth in Shiro's chest evaporated. He couldn't say Keith was lying, yet the stony bitterness in his tone made him think there was more to the story than he was letting on. He decided not to press. "Well, I'm sorry he died. Maybe he would have changed his mind one day, you would have become real friends, and Eri could have known him. Either way, he didn't deserve to die. No one does."

Keith shrugged. "He didn't. But it doesn't matter. I've been there, on scene, when real friends died. Delek's death...is sad, but I'm not torn up over it. Thanks for the concern."

Shiro's lungs constricted. He wasn't sure which was worse: the fact Keith had watched loved ones die in front of him, or the cold way he claimed Delek's death didn't bother him much.

Shiro was a soldier. He was well aware of the realities of war. He himself was willing to kill if it meant defending and saving people. He was ready to die, had already died, doing just that. Death was, unfortunately, just a part of life, especially during and soon after war. He couldn't blame Keith for hardening or moving on.

On the other hand, however, this was _Keith_. Others saw him as cold and selfish on a regular basis, but Shiro knew the truth. Keith cared. He was empathetic to a dangerous fault at his core. Loss of any life, including total strangers, bothered him on a deep level. He would do anything to prevent more death and destruction in the universe, to do what was right.

How many 'real friends' had he watched die to get _this_ point?

And why hadn't Shiro known? He hadn't known Keith had close friends in the Blades, maybe in various rebel groups, too. He hadn't known Keith had lost several of them, however high or low the number was. He should have. He should have been someone Keith felt he could tell. Shiro felt like failure for not being the man he should have for him.

"I'm so sorry, Keith," he apologized. "I'm so, so, sorry you had to go through that. I'm here if you want to talk about any of it. I understand if I'm not someone you want to approach right away - "

"Shiro," Keith interrupted, "quite saying you're sorry. You had nothing to do with any of it. This isn't your fault. Look, I don't want to restart our friendship this way. Can we change the subject to something lighter?"

Shiro wanted to apologize. He wanted to let Keith know, make him believe, he would be a better friend this time. He had to; however, he didn't want to press when Keith clearly wasn't comfortable. He'd have to save it for another time.

"Okay," he agreed. "How about Eri? What's she like? You called her a little witch before."

Keith immediately brightened, a twinkle shining his eye. "She is one. I love her to pieces. You know how some people say babies don't have personalities? Eri proves them wrong. She's a real hassle when she feels like it!"

"That so?" Shiro quirked his lips in amusement, despite the constricted state his lungs remained in. He picked up his sandwich to bite. "What does she do?"

"Well," Keith cocked his head, "I'm weaning her right now. Obviously, I can't be there to feed her while I'm at work and she's at daycare. I've been pumping bottles for her, and you know what she does? Remember, she's four months old."

"What does she do?"

"She's screams, whines, paws at my chest, throws the bottle out of my hand so hard the cap pops off and second dinner is all over the couch - while we're in the kitchen."

Shiro's eyebrows shot to his forehead. "Are you kidding?"

Keith shook his head, smiling widely. "Eri has my looks and my mom's strength. A human baby might fuss enough that you drop the bottle by mistake. Eri has full control of her arms and legs, and literally rips her bottles away and throws them across the house. It's awful. I don't even try to give her the bottle in the middle of the night anymore. It's not worth losing more sleep."

"Is she walking yet?"

"Nope, she doesn't have that much control over her legs yet. That, or she just hasn't thought of using her legs to move around. But why would she? I carry her everywhere, she doesn't need to," he joked.

Shiro chuckled. "What does the wolf think her throwing bottles across the house? I hope she hasn't hit him by mistake."

"Oh, _him,"_ Keith voice was filled with mock anger, "he's on her side. Do you know how many bottles I have had disappear because of him? Sometimes I find them in the bathtub, sometimes my mom calls me to report finding ten baby bottles around the Blades' base over the past week. I've watched him steal empty bottles from the sink and FLASH, he's gone! Do you know much money I've given Matt so he can go out and buy more for me? Because the number is RIDICULOUS."

Shiro burst out laughing. "Oh my god. That is the funniest thing I've heard in weeks! What else?"

"She loves baths," Keith added, eyes sparkling. "She always wants to stay in the tub until her skin wrinkles. Her favorite parts are splashing my shirt soaked, rearranging her soapy hair in spikes and knots that I have to brush out later, and watching the water drain like it's the most fascinating thing she's ever seen."

"Aww," Shiro cooed.

"And when she's supposed to be napping and I take a bath? I should mention she has sensitive ears. That's why I don't want you going into her room; opening the door alone will wake her up and she'll start bawling. Well, if I don't close the bathroom door behind me - which I never do because if her monitor goes off, I don't wanna waste time throwing two doors open - she can hear the water running. I swear, she waits until it turns off and I get in before she has the wolf climb over her crib, grab her by the neck of her onesie like she's a pup, and teleport into the room, where he drops her in my lap. I've been scared shitless five times now, Shiro! She could fall face first in to the water! The wolf doesn't care what I think, though, and Eri loves it. More splashing for her."

Shiro put his hands on his stomach, laughing. "You have a trouble maker. At four months old. Oh my god! That's amazing, Keith! How long has this been going on?"

"She was super easy before she turned two months old," Keith said. "All she did was sleep, cry, and need her diaper changed. Now she's throwing stuff, splashing, and turning the wolf into her minion on top of sleeping, crying, and needing her diaper changed. It's fantastic. She's a witch."

"Sounds like it," he wiped his eyes. "Were you that bad as a baby?"

"Mom wasn't around long, but she says no. I was quiet, took my bottle like a champ, and didn't care one way or another for baths."

Shiro sat back in his chair, grinning. "What's her opinion on Eri?"

"Normal for a Galra," Keith drawled, putting his chin in his hand. "Eri is three-forths, more than me. Galra babies can be excitable and gain limb control more quickly than humans do. She explained sometimes, in mixed children, regardless of percentage, the other parent's genes can be stronger than the Galra genes. Eri could have, theoretically, been like my dad, or a stronger-than-usual human like me, but," he shrugged, "she's developing at the rate of a Galra child. Which is fine."

"Of course it is," Shiro smiled. "Just hell for you."

"She's a witch all right," Keith agreed. "But it's worth it. She's sweet as pie when she's not being a terror. I have so many pictures on my phone of her sleeping on my chest, playing with her toys, riding the wolf, it's insane. I can't believe I'm lucky enough to have her. If the wolf ever decides to give me phone back - did I mention he stole it when I left it on the kitchen counter next to the breakfast bottle this morning? - I'll show you them."

"I'll look forward to it." Shiro looked at plate, now empty of its sandwich, save the bread crumbs. He looked at his watch. "Hey, I have to get back to the Garrison soon. I'll finish processing your application file as soon as I get back, so I can let you know when you start."

"Thanks. Email my schedule to me. I have no idea when the wolf'll return my phone," Keith said. He opened his mouth and closed it, hesitation flashing across his face. "Shiro?"

He frowned. "What is it?"

Keith swallowed. "I haven't been going to town since I came home. I think I implied that earlier when I said Matt buys my baby bottles. I - I don't want the media finding out, but I've also...also been scared of running into people I know. You, your ex, Pidge, Hunk when he's not traveling for his cooking show. I've never been this much of a shut in. I still went into town on the regular after I was booted from the Garrison, you know. I should kick this habit before I start teaching."

Shiro paused, thinking about his next words carefully.

Keith continued without waiting for his response, taking a deep breath, "Do you wanna go into town with me? You, me, and Eri can go out for dinner. Uh, on Friday?"

Shiro couldn't stop the smile spreading across his face. "I wouldn't miss it for the world. What time is good for you and where do you want to meet?"

Keith's relieved face made his heart pound. "Six-ish? I remember Raul's Diner was pretty good."

"I'll meet you there."

* * *

 

Shiro should have expected Matt to corner him in his office the next day, when he stopped by Shiro's branch of the Garrison. He really should have. Then his coffee wouldn't have almost dumped when Matt came racing in his office and slammed his hands on Shiro's desk with all his might.

"You visited Keith!" he shrilled. "Why didn't you tell me!? I was respecting his wishes by not telling any of you I see him twice a month, what's your excuse, huh!? Because he texted me this morning you swung by! How dare you not tell me!"

Shiro, confident his drink was steady, released his coffee mug from his metallic grasp. "You see Keith twice a month?"

"Duh!" Matt exclaimed, eyes wild. "I'm busy with Katie and our parents, but I try to visit every other weekend to see how he's doing, babysit Eri for a bit while he sleeps, make sure he's taking his meds, the usual stuff. You know, stuff friends do for each other when one is hiding out in his own backyard from the rest of society and all of humanity. How did you find out he was there? Did he tell you? He stopped responding to my texts and won't pick up my calls; I need answers, Shirogane!"

Shiro glanced between his holo tablet, lying flat on the table, and his clearly hyper friend. "He applied for the Hand-to-Hand Combat 101 position. I followed the address on the form. If you're thinking he invited me over and just didn't tell you, you're wrong."

Matt leaned forward, grinning from ear to ear.

Shiro leaned back in his chair, slightly creeped out.

"He finally applied?" Matt asked. "Awesome! I've been getting on his butt to send his application in already. The next step in my plan was convincing him to agree to a group meet up with you and the rest of the old team. So how did it go? What did you talk about? You guys are good, right? Please don't tell me you're still on non-speaking terms. The text message sounded optimistic!"

Without warning, a cell phone was shoved in Shiro's face. Sure enough, the latest text from Keith was at the top of the screen.

**Keith:**

**Shiro dropped by yesterday. We had lunch.**

_**Sent 6:43AM** _

**Matt:**

**WHAT!?!?!? GIVE ME ALL THE DETAILS MY LIFE DEPENDS ON THIS!!!!!**

**kEITH?**

**KEITH!**

**KKKKKEEEEIIITH DON'T GHOST ME I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!!!**

Shiro gently pushed the phone away with his flesh index finger. Optimistic. Well, he guessed having lunch with an estranged friend did imply a good time.

"It went well," he told him. "We made up, and ate ham and cheese sandwiches. He told me about his time with the Blades doing humanitarian work and I told him about my new responsibilities. It was nice."

He purposely left out the rougher part of the post-make up conversation.

Matt's face fell into utter shock. "You made up!? Oh my god, all my dreams are coming true. Now tell me you decided to skip the pining phase and got together, so my life will be ninety percent complete. _Please!"_

Shiro furrowed his brow, confused. _"Pining?"_

Matt gave him a dead stare. "Yes, pining. That thing you two were doing for years before you drifted apart. You know, looking at each other like the other is the sun and hung the stars, being touchy feely to an abnormal extent, being other's inspiration and will to go on, you know exactly what I'm talking about, Shiro. Trust me, the crush has always been mutual and it still is. He told me so."

Shiro's mouth fell open. "Keith - He told you he liked me like that? _Keith!?"_

"Everyone except the two of you knew. He didn't have to. But yes, he did," Matt continued to give him a dead look.

Shiro was stunned. Everyone knew. That was certainly news to him. His cheeks flushed. God, he hoped Matt was exaggerating big time, or else he was going to be so embarrassed.

"I...didn't know that," he admitted with a cough. "Nevertheless, uh, no. We're not 'skipping' anything."

He didn't bother telling Matt he had known about Keith's love for years now. Apparently, Matt knew enough without having to be told. Shiro could only imagine the earache he'd get from informing him of _that_ of all things.

Matt groaned. "Great. How long's it going to be before you put on your big boy underwear and confess? Months? Years? When I'm a great-grandpappy to lovely robot great-grandchildren? Give me an estimate here, Shiro, I can't take the suspense without proper warning anymore."

Shiro scowled. "Cut the theatrics. I'm going to regret telling this, but we sort of confessed yesterday, when we were talking it out. Neither of us are ready for a relationship right now. I'm done rushing my love life and he's - he's got higher priorities. Let's leave it at that."

Matt's expression was unreadable. Until it was - and it looked like half his brain had melted in his skull.

"I did not hear that correctly," he stated plainly. "I did not hear you say you two confessed your undying love for each other and turned each other down. You did not say that and I did not hear that. Take it back, now."

Shiro narrowed his eyes. "Matt."

"Shiro, you've gotta be kidding me," he whined. "You have the most epic love story ever and worst pining case in history! It can't end like this!"

Shiro glowered. "We're finally on the same page again. I consider myself lucky there. Maybe someday in the future we'll get together, but I make no promises, Matt. Leave it alone."

Matt's shoulders slumped. "You are serious. Holy cow. I never thought this day would come. I must be in the wrong universe."

"I hope you know I'm willing to call your mom to pick you up, like a little kid getting kicked out of school for the day for misbehaving. I'm sure she'll love that phone call," Shiro threatened.

Grimacing, Matt held his hands up in defense. "Okay, okay! Geez. I just can't believe it is all. How did the confessions come up if you don't want to date each other anymore?"

Shiro frowned. It wasn't that he didn't want to date Keith. He just didn't think it was a good idea to run head first into another romance before getting all of his shit together first. He didn't want a repeat of Curtis, and certainly not a repeat of Curtis with Keith. A secret part of him was hoping by the time he was ready, Keith would be equally as ready to accept his advances. But that was nowhere near the present day. Being a better friend was his mission first.

"I had to come clean to him," he decided to start on. "He kept me going for so long. I couldn't omit it from my side of the story. And he - he didn't say he never felt the same. He was pissed when I told him how I jumped on Curtis instead of him. He said we _could have_ made it work." Shiro didn't meant for his voice to crack on the last part.

Matt was silent a moment. "I'm sorry, Shiro. If I had known you guys were taking a break from your love lives, I wouldn't have said anything about pining. I wouldn't have brought up your feelings at all."

Shiro gave him a small smile. Although Matt could be hyperactive pain when he wanted to be, he was one of Shiro's closest friends outside the team for a reason. If it hadn't been for him, Shiro was sure he'd still be curled up on the bathroom floor, wondering why he couldn't be the content, healing-in-retirement man Curtis was.

Speaking of which...

"I did want to talk to you, too," he said. "Keith told me you were only one on Earth who contacted him while he was with the Blades. I - I'm not asking for Keith's private business. He can tell me on his own when he's ready. But how come you reached out when none of us did?"

Matt considered him closely. "Because Keith's my friend. I get that you were going through stuff. Katie said she and the guys didn't because they wanted to give Keith space. To them, he seemed like he needed it. I understand. I don't work like that, though. I had to call, send messages, get his attention. You guys were going so long without talking, and Keith's got no one else here to reach out, so I did. I was worried. And it turned out I was right to worry. Keith wasn't in a good place either, you know."

Shiro's stomach dropped. Guilt weighed down on his chest. He lowered his eyes. "I know. He said as much. Thank you for doing so, Matt. I'm glad Keith had somebody back here to rely on."

"Don't mention it," he replied gently. "Like I said, I get it. I'm not going to berate you on his behalf."

 _You should,_ Shiro thought lowly.

Matt propped himself up on the desk. "So, you talked over lunch yesterday. You had to talk about more than the bad. Did you get to see little Eri? She's cute as a button, isn't she?"

Shiro shook his head. "She was napping when I got there. Keith was adamant I didn't wake her up."

"You'll love her," Matt grinned. "She looks exactly like Keith. Except her eyes are bluer and her nose isn't as sharp. Has Keith called her a little witch to you yet? 'Cause trust me, she is one; she puts a spell on people that them love her to bits while she yanks your hair like no tomorrow!" he laughed.

Shiro cracked a smile. "Yeah, he talked about her while we ate. He called her a pig, said she cries every three hours, and that her Galra strength is pretty obvious for a four month old. She's already got control of her arms and legs."

"But she can't lift her head yet," Matt chuckled. "She's an inter-species case begging to be studied. I've got co-workers interested in Galra biology, their capability to reproduce with so many other species, and how the offspring express their parents' genetics. Keith says if I turn them into a field study, though, he'll never let me hold her again."

Shiro chuckled with him. "Don't forget the wolf, her protector and partner in crime. Apparently, he guards her while she sleeps. And hides all of Keith's baby bottles because she hates weaning with a passion."

"Yeah, Keith's scared she won't eat at daycare at this rate," Matt added. "Eri's a stubborn baby. The wolf is her enabler."

"I can't wait to meet her," Shiro mused. "She sounds wonderful. Will she pull my floof right away, you think, or wait until she gets to know me?"

"Oh, right away," Matt was certain, "she loves hair. Especially if it's not her own."

Shiro placed his arms on the desk in front of him, leaning forward. "Keith invited me to dinner on Friday. I supposed I'll see her and get my floof yanked then."

"Awesome," Matt nodded happily. "Hey, do you know if it's safe for me to tell the others he's here? Keith's not answering my texts or calls, like I said, so I'm sure he won't answer me if I ask. Did he say yesterday?"

"Sorry, he didn't. I'm sure he will soon."

"Good. I hate keeping this secret. No offense to Keith, I just think he's been hiding from the world long enough."

Shiro hummed.

There was so much more he didn't know and wanted to catch up on. He was positive the rest of the team would feel the same way when they found out Keith had been on Earth for so long. He was certain Keith didn't want to overwhelm himself, however. He might be taking it one person at a time, having only spoken with Matt for over three years and now inviting him alone to dinner. Shiro felt for Matt, though; he had been in regular touch with Lance, Pidge, Hunk, and Coran over the past year, and it was going to be hard keeping Keith a secret from them.

He was sure Keith had his reasons to keep so quiet, beyond his fear of being spotted in town. Shiro could only imagine what he had felt all these years. He still hadn't gotten it out of his head, how Keith had explained he'd been in his own dark place, how he had watched friends die in front him, and need sleeping an anti-anxiety medication in order to function as a parent. It twisted Shiro's stomach in knots. He hoped he would be allowed the privilege to hear those stories and comfort him someday.

He agreed with Matt, but he wasn't going to judge Keith. Shiro just got him back; the least he could was be patient and understanding.

He could do that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know that feeling when you KNOW you're using the same words too often? Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm working on it.
> 
> Pidge and Hunk will be appearing next chapter as well!


End file.
